The father of LSD on the longest trip

After 71 years of tripping, the Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann departed on the longest trip of all. The man often called the ‘father of LSD’ passed away at the age of 102.

Hippies along with many artists, musicians and authors are paying tribute to the man who for so many years granted them the ability to see colours, creatures and demons invisible to others.

Shaggy and Scooby Doo are said to be in complete shock over the death of their ‘family physician’, as is Hunter S. Thompson (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) and the bats.

One wonders if Stephen King shouldn’t have paid a commission to Dr Hofmann after all the inspiration and subsequent success he’s experienced. I refuse to believe anyone could come up with such stories and creatures without a little help from Dr Hofmann’s ol’ medicine.

Marcus turns 6 y.o.

It’s my son’s 6th birthday today. Can’t believe it’s been that long since he decided to pop out.

I did say “that long”, but when I think about it I’m not sure whether that accurately describes how I feel. Part of me feels like he’s always been around (“that long”) but another part feels like it was yesterday- can’t decide which feeling is the dominant one.

Regardless, my life has certainly changed since he graced us with his presence:
1. My vocabulary has changed. 50% of my spoken words include NO, DON’T, STOP, and MARCUS,
2. I have less hair,
3. My hearing is worse,
4. My nerves are shakier,
5. I am more suspicious- just because someone says they’ve finished something doesn’t mean they have,
6. I wake up earlier on weekend mornings- simple philosophy, if he can’t sleep no-one else should either,
7. I have a VIP card at my local optometrist as a result of having to have bought around 30 new glasses and sunglasses,
8. I spend more time looking for items such as mobile phone, keys, wallet, etc. The “I last put it on the table, so it must still be there” approach to finding things has been superseeded by “where could the little bastard have put it” approach,

9. I expect the worst,

10. My total cleaning time has increased by 400%, and
11. The bulk of movies I watch in the movie theatres are now PG.

but…

I have more love in my life! Happy birthday son!

Buying a new Mobile Phone- Demon, be gone!

As you may recall, I have experienced some hurdles in my pursuit of buying a new mobile phone. The Vodafone ‘expert’ lost out on the sale for reason you already know and Telstra lost out simply for being Telstra.

Time got critical as the demon in my current phone was taking the whole possession thing to a whole new level- the phone has a life of its own.

So rather than going to a store and talk to speech-impaired sales geniuses I got on eBay to have a look at some options. I immediately found a phone that looked interesting and as the seller, who also appeared to be a power seller, had a shop in Sydney I decided to give them a call. I was placed on hold for a few minutes which certainly did not impress me, but I figured a little patience could go along way. I got three kids- I know this to be true!!!

When a ‘living’ person finally answered, I asked if they had the particular phone in stock, to which the answer was “yes”. I then proceeded by asking him if he could tell me a bit about the phone to which he said “sure”, and started with the following information: “you can make calls on all networks both in Australia and overseas…”. I stopped him right there and said “Done”! That’s all I wanted to know, really.

My new phone will be here tomorrow- so on Friday I will be taking my current phone to the local Catholic Church for an exorcism and subsequent disposal!

A lesson to be learned for all you overly-pierced Vodafone ‘experts. Then again, perhaps I’m the old-fashioned fart who needs to get with times?! (Customer is always right though)

Annoying Human Behavioural Phenomenon

It’s a human behavioural phenomenon I’ve never been able to fully understand- why do people complain and make such a big deal out of a particular TV show they thought was sooooo bad and that made them sooooo upset, or a particular scene that was soooo disgraceful, and they can’t believe that Station in question could put it to air, etc, etc?

Change the bloody channel!!! How hard can it be? If you order a steak in a restaurent but you simply don’t like the sauce, do you attack the chef?!?

This behaviour has been mastered by a particularly annoying co-worker of mine who hates pretty much everything I stand for. She has called me many things including: communist, fascist, racist, devil-worshipper, Tibet hater (that was the most recent one), chauvinist, anarchist, cold hearted asshole and Canadian (and shame on her for that one!).

Although she quite clearly hates my opinions, she religiously reads my blog! She also makes it her business to send me emails telling me how wrong and evil I am, and sometimes even come by my office to tell me in person.

Most people will testify to the fact that I am the type of person who appreciates a good debate, even a heated one, with a range of opinions- but this is just sad and ridiculous.

So lady, change the bloody channel!!!

Desperately seeking Rambo

This morning myself and my kids got ready to watch the ANZAC parade coverage on TV. As a die-hard fan of all war things my son was extra excited to watch the marching soldiers. Unfortunately for him, his day was pretty much squashed two and a half minutes into the coverage as his idea of soldiers is quite different to what he witnessed.

He wants grenades, tanks, face paint, camouflage, bloodstains, 42 inch knives, M16's and big-ass Rambo type scars.

As with most memorial type parades the reality was quite different- old guys (many in wheelchairs) with berets, a long rack medals and colostomy bags. He basically thought it sucked and went back to his bedroom in protest!

Myself, I was waiting for the nurses, but as it turned out most of them were from the Navy- saw that last year at the Sydney Mardi Gras parade, though with less rainbow coloured flags this time.

Need to have a word with the organisers.

The Perfect Job for the Perfect Recruiter

The other day a somewhat unusual job ad was placed at a village post office in UK: Found: drinking companions to join elderly gentleman for a friendly beer at his local pub.

The guy who placed the ad got absolutely bombarded with offers for someone to accompany his 88-year-old father Jack on visits to a southern England pub from a nursing home.

He offered the lucky winner £7 an hour plus expenses and, after sifting through the applicants, decided on a job-share arrangement. Drinking duties are to be divided between a retired doctor and a former military man. "Dad's now going to be going down to the pub several times a week- three with his new friends and twice with me" the guy said.

As some of you know I will shortly embark on a journey into the recruitment industry and I figure I’d be a damn fine recruiter for finding quality drinking buddies for people. Like they say- “it takes one to know one”. Love the job-sharing idea too.

Now taking job orders...

It’s good to be the [future] King!

I keep reading in the news about Prince Williams’ helicopter landing in his girlfriend’s backyard and the amount of sleep some people appear to be losing. What’s the big deal?

I was once a keen heterosexual young bloke (of which some I still am) and the first thing I would do after getting new wheels was to swing by my girlfriend’s to impress her socks off, and if lucky gain some quality time.

And really, the guy will be King- it's his military. Would you complain if Sir Richard Branson landed one of his planes on his private landing strip? I think not.

A King is King is King…

I think I may be a Victim!

Police in Congo recently arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises. Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Kinshasa's Police Chief said: “when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent.

That made me think that perhaps I’ve been ‘affected’ too. Everyday I receive emails from strangers who tell me that I need a penis enlargement. I don’t know who they are or how they know, but I suspect something must have happened in that Sydney cab in November last year.

Considering the residents’ cash extortion theory quoted above, touching someone penis may no longer be a case of sexual harassment but rather a shrewd direct marketing strategy?!? Who knew?