A well planned retirement

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40), £5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up, so the Zoo

Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day - for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!

And no one even knows his name...

Objectophilia – Rhino Style

Jango the Rhino, a resident at the Schoenbrunn Zoo in Vienna, openly displayed his love for a car last week. The car, which is part of an art expo and located in a pond at the zoo, received some tender and caring attention from the apparently love crank horned animal.

I wasn’t long, howver, before Jango got carried away and started humping the red defenless vehicle. One can only speculate what the offspring will look like.

Now, I shouldn’t go on critizing the poor creature- I get similar feelings when seeing an Aston Martin.

Even I like the Chinese at times

A man in southern China has been taken into police custody after pushing a would-be suicide jumper off a bridge frequented by people threatening to end their lives.
Lai Jiansheng was detained by police for pushing a man named Chen off the bridge in Guangzhou city that has been the site of 12 suicide attempts since the beginning of April.

None of the suicide attempts have been successful, but traffic over the bridge has been jammed for hours during each attempt as police sought to talk the people out of ending their lives.

Upset with the traffic delay, Lai broke through the police cordon on the bridge, walked up to Chen and shook his hand before pushing him off the bridge. "I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their actions violate a lot of public interests," Lai was quoted saying.

Police said that with each suicide attempt, the city had to send police, firemen, rescue vessels and an ambulance.

I have a feeling there will be a significant decrease in jumpers from this bridge!

Ladies- The perfect gift to a man that won’t even cost you a cent

A woman in North Carolina decided to give her husband something different for his 40th birthday. She states that she struggled for some time to come up with something special, but one day whilst participating in a bible study group, she got the ingenious idea.

She promised her husband sex every night for a whole year! I’m sure I speak for the majority of married men when I say that this is truly the ultimate present. The response “it’s just what I always wanted” springs to mind when thinking about an appropriate thing to say when thanking for such a gift.

Not only the ultimate gift, but also ideal for those on a [financial] budget. Perhaps something to consider given the global economic climate?!

Can we also give special thanks to God for giving her the ‘inspiration’. Perhaps the old man upstairs is finally giving us married men a break!

How do they know?

I keep getting emails containing information about how I can please my girlfriend twice as much and twice as long, along with ways for me to stay harder longer.

How do they know? I have a girlfriend?!?

A potential solution for a stressful life

Yesterday I ran into my former boss who was clearly stressed and looked like the world was resting on his shoulders. I asked about work and family to which he replied:

“I’m submitting a motion to Parliament proposing 30 hour days. Don’t know how else to get everything done”

What a great idea!

It made me giggle!

The other day I was having a chat on FB with a friend I haven’t seen for years. At one time we were very close and I can recall our parents and many friends commenting that they thought it odd us being so close without actually dating.

We began talking about the ‘good old days’ and after a few ‘truths’ we suddenly discovered that we both had mad crushes on each other at the time. When we reached the inevitable question as to why we didn’t say anything to each other or act on our feelings, it all got a bit awkward and embarrassing- I always thought I was one of the cool kids!

To realise how far off the mark I was some 22 years later was both disturbing and amusing all wrapped up in one! Couldn’t help laughing at it though.

Just can’t help it!

I’m usually good at walking away or tuning out when someone in my presence is a complete wanker- I simply don’t have the time and energy to deal with such people, or better yet, I choose not to deal with them.

It saddens and frustrates me when I find myself overcome with a burning desire to contribute to orthopaedic case studies by rearranging someone’s anatomy!

The guy didn’t even know how close he came to being ‘famous’...what a shit day!