Sunday drivers

I find driving to work in the mornings the most frustrating time of the day.

I looked up the word ‘Rush’ in a dictionary: ‘to move, act, or progress with speed, impetuosity, or violence’.

They call it ‘Rush hour’ for a reason. Canberra drivers- LOOK IT UP!

Choose your words carefully around a six year-old

A few months ago my kids got a small aquarium with 4 fish from their aunt. Despite my warnings they struggle with the concept of only feeding them twice daily, so the fish have all gotten a bit ‘overweight’.

Last week one of the fish died so my wife flushed him. When my son discovered that one fish was missing I told him that “the fish ate himself to death”.
My son’s yaw dropped and he asked- “how could the fish eat himself?”

The grass is greener...

A friend of mine said something really funny the other day-
“I believe the grass is greener on the other side because my asshole neighbour is ignoring the city’s water restrictions”

Aim High!

Last week I had a 22 year old school drop-out applying for a CFO role that we advertised. His most recent jobs include stacking shelves at a local grocery store, 4 months as a sales assistant at Radio Shack and 8 months as a truck driver.

When I asked him what relevant qualifications, skills and experience he had he replied that he was great at math in school and that he’s a real go-getter. He also added that he figured a Chief Financial Officer’s role couldn’t be too hard with a sophisticated calculator and that he likes to aim high.

He aimed high alright!

Karma missing the target!

Went to grab some take-out lunch today but discovered to my horror that the restaurant that I had my mind set on was closed for renovations. So I decided to go the restaurant next door which cook similar food and really isn’t bad at all. Well, they were closed too! Don’t know why but I suspect the chef may have been too stoned- she usually smiles at me with a foggy happy smile.

At this point I was pretty irritated and couldn’t be bothered walking around the whole area for something else, so I decided to order some Indian food, ignoring the fact that I don’t really care for it at all.

I was greeted in the normal Indian fashion (referring to the accent and vocabulary) and proceeded to order rice with Beef Vindalu and Tandoori Chicken accompanied by an ice tea. I take out my wallet and the ‘curteous’ little (he was short) Indian man told me it was $16.50 plus $3.00 for the drink. I nearly fell off my chair- figuratively speaking. $16.50 for Indian take-out?!?
He noticed my hesitation and laughingly said “If you would’ve gotten two curries it would only have costed you $10, hahaha”. So I told him that he could have told me this earlier and that it would be the right thing to only charge me $10- particularly since they would not only save on the portions (since I had two curries in the one container) but also a whole serving of rice, to which he [again] laughingly responded that “haha, that is not how it works- it is not my fault...haha...”.

So I did the only honourable thing I could think of and simply told him that he was absolutely right- it was not his fault, followed by a short “kiss my ass” and a quick turn on my heels and headed towards the door. At this point I heard someone in the background yelling “Hello, Sir, Sir, No, come back Sir”. It was the owner, so I stopped. This man, who took politeness to a whole new level, spent the best part of three minutes apologising and calling his nephew many colourful and creative names (son-of-cowdung was my favourite). I was still hungry, so I interrupted him and thanked him for his apology, to which he took the food I had ordered along with the drink and a bag of Indian bread and said “$10 for you Sir, please”. I accepted!

Although I’m not vindictive by nature, I did feel very good when the laughing Mr Cow-dung got his head chewed off by his uncle the Boss. Unfortunately, I’m afraid he got the final laughter as the food was terrible and I had to make myself a sandwich.

Karma, you were so close to getting it right.

The Loss of a Great Man

Yesterday my family and I suffered a great loss with the passing of my Grandfather. Rather than mourning his death I’d like to celebrate his life and the contribution he made- he was man who actually made this world a better place for so many people. His kindness and compassion was unsurpassed and somehow he always seemed to make a lasting impression on the people he met.

I always considered my relationship with him as very special and the hole he leaves in my sole is only filled by the good memories, the kids and grandkids he helped raising. I should be so lucky as to become even half the man he was.

Although sorely missed, I am also relieved that he finally found peace after so many years of pain and suffering. I only hope that my grandmother (whom I do worry about) will seize this ‘freedom’ from being a long-term caretaker and enjoy the rest of her life as best as she’s able.

May he rest in peace!