The other day at the office we were talking about pub food and I mentioned that I really miss the US Buffalo Wings.
One of our employees looked at me with a bit of hesitation and said- “I never realised there were buffalos with wings”!
Nor did I!
Monday 30 March 2009
Friday 20 March 2009
Dispute Between Neighbours - a true story!
A town councillor in Wales , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home. The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.
When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...
The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to shutter design.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.
When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...
The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to shutter design.
Monday 16 March 2009
Who’s getting old?
My mom and her husband (Jan) from Sweden are visiting us for a few weeks. Kids are having a ball and Mom and Jan are really enjoying the kids too.
I have discovered that we’ve all gotten a bit older in our own ways, and as for my mom it’s all about noise and having people around her.
The other day she commented that the house was so loud and that there were a lot of shouting. I quickly reminded her that it wasn’t that long ago when I used to come and visit their house on some weekends and complain that it was loud and that everyone was shouting. She said “hmm, you’re right” and left it at that.
She also found it frustrating that people were coming in and out of the house visiting without them/us having planned for it or known about it in advance. Again, I reminded her that as kids we all simply barged into friends’ houses and started playing. My mom nodded and went silent again.
I have also discovered that I’m getting older and in some areas just like my parents.
When I as a kid asked my mom what she wanted for Christmas or for her birthday, she used to say “Good kids”. I always found that a stupid answer and considered my mom a bit of a drag for wishing that.
The sad part is that when my kids asked me what I wanted for my birthday a few weeks back I said exactly that- good kids!
What’s even sadder is that I got an iron for Christmas...and was happy about it!
I have discovered that we’ve all gotten a bit older in our own ways, and as for my mom it’s all about noise and having people around her.
The other day she commented that the house was so loud and that there were a lot of shouting. I quickly reminded her that it wasn’t that long ago when I used to come and visit their house on some weekends and complain that it was loud and that everyone was shouting. She said “hmm, you’re right” and left it at that.
She also found it frustrating that people were coming in and out of the house visiting without them/us having planned for it or known about it in advance. Again, I reminded her that as kids we all simply barged into friends’ houses and started playing. My mom nodded and went silent again.
I have also discovered that I’m getting older and in some areas just like my parents.
When I as a kid asked my mom what she wanted for Christmas or for her birthday, she used to say “Good kids”. I always found that a stupid answer and considered my mom a bit of a drag for wishing that.
The sad part is that when my kids asked me what I wanted for my birthday a few weeks back I said exactly that- good kids!
What’s even sadder is that I got an iron for Christmas...and was happy about it!
Friday 13 March 2009
The Heaviest Element
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, *Governmentium* (symbol=Gv), has one*neutron*, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called *morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called *peons*. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a *reorganization* in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming *isodopes*. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical morass*.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium* (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called *morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called *peons*. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a *reorganization* in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming *isodopes*. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical morass*.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium* (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Saturday 7 March 2009
Elevator Aggression
Walked up to an elevator yesterday and pressed the button.
A clearly stressed woman approached, gave me a forced smile and proceeded to press the button [despite me having done so already], not once, but repeatedly over and over!
She kept pressing it with overly loud and irritating sighs, which for some reason made me annoyed and I subsequently opened my big mouth:
- You know sweetheart, the elevator doesn’t get here faster just ‘cause you keep pressing the damn button.
- Asshole!
- [Bitch]
A clearly stressed woman approached, gave me a forced smile and proceeded to press the button [despite me having done so already], not once, but repeatedly over and over!
She kept pressing it with overly loud and irritating sighs, which for some reason made me annoyed and I subsequently opened my big mouth:
- You know sweetheart, the elevator doesn’t get here faster just ‘cause you keep pressing the damn button.
- Asshole!
- [Bitch]
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